Page 183 - A Woman Is No Man

She wondered where the baby would sleep, if Baba would buy another crib,
or if it would sleep in Amal’s crib, and if Amal would share the bed with
her and Nora. The baby’s face was in her head, already big and swelling

bigger, suffocating her. She took a deep breath and loosened the backpack
from her shoulders.
She touched Mama’s arm when she reached her, earning a quick smile
before Isra looked away. It was the same smile Isra always gave her, just the
slightest curve of the lips.
Behind her, she could hear her classmates calling from the bus. “Bye,
Deya! See you tomorrow!”

Deya turned to wave goodbye. When she turned back, Mama’s eyes
were intently fixed on her face.
“Why are those boys speaking to you?” Mama said. It was strange to
hear words leave her mouth with such force.
“They’re in my class, Mama.”
“Why are you talking to boys in your class?”

“They’re my friends.”
“Friends?”
Deya nodded and lowered her eyes to the ground.
“You can’t be friends with boys! Did I raise a sharmouta?”
Deya stumbled back, struck by the word. “No, Mama, I didn’t do
anything—”
“Uskuti! You know you’re not allowed to speak to boys! What were you

thinking? You’re an Arab girl. Do you understand? An Arab girl.” But Deya
didn’t understand. “Listen to me, Deya. Open your ears and listen.” Her
voice lowered to a tight whisper. “Just because you were born here, that
doesn’t make you an American. As long as you live in this family, you will
never be an American.”
Deya couldn’t remember the walk home, couldn’t recall how she felt as

she tiptoed across the pavement, crept down the basement steps, and settled
into her bed. All she remembered was sinking between the sheets with a
book in hand—Matilda—willing herself to escape between its pages. She
dug her fingers into the spine, flipping page after page until she could no
longer hear the ringing between her ears.
The next thing she knew Mama was downstairs with her. The room was
quiet, and Mama settled on the edge of her bed, hugging her knees. How

long before Deya had inched up to her? She didn’t know. All she