Page 232 - A Woman Is No Man

Deya

Winter 2008

The next morning Deya left her sisters at the corner of Seventy-Second

Street and walked past them to the subway station, head bowed to avoid
meeting their eyes. Her hands were sweating, and she wiped them on her
jilbab. She pictured fleetingly how composed she had been the night before,
when she’d told her sisters that they should run away, that she had a plan.
She had smiled as she painted the future for them, a forced hope in her eyes.
But then they had done the unexpected. They had refused to leave. Nora
said running away was a bad idea, that it wouldn’t bring back their parents,

that it would only isolate them more. Layla had agreed, adding that they’d
been sheltered their entire lives, and would never be able to survive on their
own. They had no money. They had nowhere to go. Amal only nodded as
the other two spoke, her eyes large and teary. They were sorry, they told her.
But they were too afraid. Deya had said she was afraid, too. The difference
was, she was also afraid of staying.

“I need to leave home,” Deya told Sarah when they’d settled in their
usual spot. “Could I stay with you?”
“What about everything we’ve talked about? I don’t think running away
is the answer.”
“But you ran away. And look at you now. Besides, I thought you said
you wanted me to make my own choices. Well, this is my choice.”
Sarah sighed. “I lost my virginity and was afraid for my life. The

circumstances were completely different. But you—you’ve done nothing
wrong.” Deya could tell she was holding back tears. “If you go, you’ll lose
your sisters. Maybe if I had stayed, Isra would still be here.”
“Don’t say that! Mama’s death had nothing to do with you. It was only
his fault. His and Teta’s. Besides, what would’ve happened to you if you’d

stayed? You would’ve been married off, probably have five or six kids by
now. And that’s what’ll happen to me if I don’t leave. I have to go.”
“No! You have to try harder to fight for what you want.”