Page 240 - A Woman Is No Man

Deya

Winter 2008

Assalamu alaikum,” Khaled said when Deya returned home that afternoon.

“Walikum assalam.” Why was he home so early? Surely Fareeda had
told him that Deya knew the truth. Did he want to know where Sarah was?
Fareeda had been so consumed with hiding the truth that she had barely
asked anything about her daughter.
She placed her hijab on the kitchen table. “Why did you lie to us?”
Khaled stepped away from the open pantry and looked down at her.
“I’m sorry, Deya,” he said in a low voice. “We didn’t want to hurt you.”

“How did you think we’d feel when we found out you lied to us all
these years? You didn’t think that would hurt us?” Her grandfather didn’t
reply, only looked away from her again. “Why did Baba do it? Why did he
kill her?”
“He was drunk, Deya. He wasn’t in his right mind.”
“That doesn’t make sense. There must be a reason!”

“There was no reason.”
“Why did he kill himself?”
“I don’t know, daughter.” Khaled reached inside the pantry for a jar of
sesame seeds. “I don’t know what your father was thinking that night. It’s
haunted me for years. I wish I knew what made him do those terrible things.
I wish I could’ve stopped him somehow. There are so many things about
that night I don’t understand. All I know is that we’re sorry. Your

grandmother and I only wanted to protect you.”
“You weren’t protecting us. You were only protecting yourselves.”
He still didn’t meet her gaze. “I’m sorry, daughter.”
“Sorry? That’s all you have to say?”
“We only want what’s best for you.”

“Best for us?” The loudness of her voice startled her, but she kept going.
“If you wanted what’s best for us, you would let me go to college. You
wouldn’t force me to get married to a stranger. You wouldn’t risk putting