Page 44 - A Woman Is No Man

“Did you mean what you told Nasser? That nothing can make you
happy?”
Deya sat up and leaned against the headboard. “No, I . . . I don’t know.”

“Why do you think that? It worries me.”
When Deya said nothing, Nora leaned in close. “Tell me. What is it?”
“I don’t know, it’s just . . . Sometimes I think maybe happiness isn’t
real, at least not for me. I know it sounds dramatic, but . . .” She paused,
tried to find the right words. “Maybe if I keep everyone at arm’s length, if I
don’t expect anything from the world, I won’t be disappointed.”
“But you know it’s not healthy, living with that mindset,” Nora said.

“Of course I know that, but I can’t help how I feel.”
“I don’t understand. When did you become so negative?”
Deya was silent.
“Is it because of Mama and Baba? Is that it? You always have this look
in your eyes when we mention them, like you know something we don’t.
What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” Deya said.
“Clearly it’s something. It must be. Something happened.”
Deya felt Nora’s words under her skin. Something had happened,
everything had happened, nothing had happened. She remembered the days
she’d sat outside Isra’s bedroom door, knocking and pounding, calling for
her mother over and over. Mama. Open the door, Mama. Please, Mama.
Can you hear me? Are you there? Are you coming, Mama? Please. But Isra

never opened the door. Deya would lie there and wonder what she had
done. What was wrong with her that her own mother couldn’t love her?
But Deya knew that no matter how clearly she could articulate this
memory and countless others, Nora wouldn’t be able to understand how she
felt, not really.
“Please don’t worry,” she said. “I’m okay.”

“Promise?”
“Promise.”
Nora yawned, stretching her arms in the air. “Tell me one of your
stories, then,” she said. “So I can have good dreams. Tell me about Mama
and Baba.”
Their bedtime story ritual had started when their parents died and
continued throughout the years. Deya didn’t mind, but there was only so

much she could remember, or wanted to. Telling a story wasn’t as simple as