Page 179 - Stephen R. Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Eff People.pdf

arrange for some help at the first of the week so that you could go. I know it's important
to you to have that time.

"Or maybe we could locate a place to camp and fish that would be close to your mother.
The area wouldn't be as nice, but we could still be outdoors and meet other needs as well.
And the boys wouldn't be climbing the walls. We could even plan some recreational
activities with the cousins, aunts, and uncles, which would be an added benefit."

They synergize. They communicate back and forth until they come up with a solution
they both feel good about. It's better than the solutions either of them originally
proposed. It's better than compromise. It's a synergistic solution that builds P and PC.

Instead of a transaction, it's a transformation. They get what they both really want and
build their relationship in the process.

Negative Synergy

Seeking the Third Alternative is a major Paradigm Shift from the dichotomous, either/or
mentality. But look at the difference in results.

How much negative energy is typically expended when people try to solve problems or
make decisions in an interdependent reality? How much time is spent in confessing other
people's sins, politicking, rivalry, interpersonal conflict, protecting one's backside,
masterminding, and second guessing? It's like trying to drive down the road with one
foot on the gas and the other foot on the brake.

And instead of getting a foot off the brake, most people give it more gas. They try to
apply more pressure, more eloquence, more logical information to strengthen their
position.

The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent
reality. They're either dependent on borrowing strength from position power and they go
for win-lose or they're dependent on being popular with others and they go for lose-win.
They may talk win-win technique, but they don't really want to listen; they want to
manipulate. And synergy can't thrive in that environment.

Insecure people think that all reality should be amenable to their paradigms. They have a
high need to clone others, to mold them over into their own thinking. They don't realize
that the very strength of the relationship is in having another point of view. Sameness is
not oneness; uniformity is not unity. Unity, or oneness, is complementariness, not
sameness. Sameness is uncreative...and boring. The essence of synergy is to value the
differences.

I've come to believe that the key to interpersonal synergy is intrapersonal synergy, that is
synergy within ourselves. The heart of interpersonal synergy is embodied in the
principles in the first three habits, which give the internal security sufficient to handle the
risks of being open and vulnerable. By internalizing those principles, we develop the
Abundance Mentality of win-win and the authenticity of Habit 5.

One of the very practical results of being principle-centered is that it makes us whole --
truly integrated. People who are scripted deeply in logical, verbal, left-brain thinking will
discover how totally inadequate that thinking is in solving problems which require a
great deal of creativity. They become aware and begin to open up a new script inside

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