Page 426 - A Little Life: A Novel

be certain about it, because he sensed, powerfully, that Jude, who was
casual about nothing, certainly wouldn’t be casual about sex.
Jude’s sex life, his sexuality, had been a subject of ongoing fascination

for everyone who knew him, and certainly for Willem’s girlfriends.
Occasionally, it had come up among the three of them—he and Malcolm
and JB—when Jude wasn’t around: Was he having sex? Had he ever? With
whom? They had all seen people looking at him at parties, or flirting with
him, and in every case, Jude had remained oblivious.
“That girl was all over you,” he’d say to Jude as they walked home from
one party or another.

“What girl?” Jude would say.
They talked about it with one another because Jude had made it clear he
wouldn’t discuss it with any of them: when the topic was raised, he would
give them one of his stares and then change the subject with a
declarativeness that was impossible to misinterpret.
“Has he ever spent the night away from home?” asked JB (this was when

he and Jude were living on Lispenard Street).
“Guys,” he’d say (the conversation made him uncomfortable), “I don’t
think we should be talking about this.”
“Willem!” JB would say. “Don’t be such a pussy! You’re not betraying
any confidences. Just tell us: yes or no. Has he ever?”
He’d sigh. “No,” he’d say.
There would be a silence. “Maybe he’s asexual,” Malcolm would say,

after a while.
“No, that’s you, Mal.”
“Fuck off, JB.”
“Do you think he’s a virgin?” JB would ask.
“No,” he’d say. He didn’t know why he knew this, but he was certain he
wasn’t.

“It’s such a waste,” JB would say, and he and Malcolm would look at
each other, knowing what was coming next. “His looks’ve been wasted on
him. I should’ve gotten his looks. I would’ve had a good time with them, at
least.”
After a while, they grew to accept it as part of who Jude was; they added
the subject to the list of things they knew not to discuss. Year after year
passed and he dated no one, they saw him with no one. “Maybe he’s living

some hot double life,” Richard once suggested, and Willem had shrugged.