Page 379 - The Social Animal

Liking, Loving, and Interpersonal Sensitivity 361

mon sense also suggests that there are situations in which criticism
might be more useful than praise. For example, suppose you are a
brand-new college instructor lecturing to a class of graduate students
and presenting a theory you are developing. In the rear of the class-
room are two students. One of them is nodding and smiling and
looks as though he is in rapture. At the close of your presentation, he
comes up and tells you that you are a genius and your ideas are the
most brilliant he’s ever heard. It feels good to hear that, of course. In
contrast, the other student shakes her head and scowls occasionally
during your presentation, and afterward, she comes up and tells you
that there are several aspects of your theory that don’t make sense.
Moreover, she points these out in some detail and with a note of dis-
dain in her voice. That evening, while ruminating on what was said,
you realize that the remarks made by the second student, although
somewhat extreme and not completely accurate, did contain some
valid points and forced you to rethink a few of your assumptions.
This eventually leads you to a significant modification of your the-
ory. Which of these two people will you like better? I don’t know. Al-
though praise is clearly rewarding, disagreement that leads to
improvement may carry its own rewards. Because I am, at this point,
unable to predict which of these behaviors is more rewarding, it is
impossible to be sure which of the two students you will like better.
The relative impact of praise and criticism is even more compli-
cated, and more interesting. Some research shows that, all other
things being equal, a negative evaluation generally increases the ad-
miration we feel for the evaluator so long as he or she is not evalu-
ating us! In one experiment, Theresa Amabile asked college students
to read excerpts from two reviews of novels that had appeared in the
New York Times Book Review section. Both reviews were similar in
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style and quality of writing, but one was extremely favorable and the
other extremely unfavorable. Students considered the negative re-
viewer to be considerably more intelligent, competent, and expert
than the positive reviewer—but less likable!
Let us take a different example, one involving the attribution of
ulterior motives to the praiser. Suppose Nancy is an engineer, and she
produces an excellent set of blueprints. Her boss says, “Nice work,
Nancy.” That phrase will almost certainly function as a reward, and
Nancy’s liking for her boss will probably increase. But suppose Nancy
is having an off day and produces a sloppy set of blueprints—and