Page 727 - Demo

You Can%u2019t Get There From HereWriters Give The Public A Wrong TurnBY L.J. DAVISNo wonder nobody out there in America has the straight poop on New York; they are consistently being fed false and misleading information. Old wives' tales of aggressive citizens and old newscasters%u2019 lurid fibs about the mugger tHat lurks behind every bush are merely the tip of the iceberg. Because it is the true capital of the country in everything but name and government, New York has a way of cropping up in the living rooms ofPocatello, and no matter what form this spectral appearance takes, nine times out >f ten it%u2019s dead wrong. You%u2019d think the geography of the place would be a relatively simple matter%u2014you head due east from Chicago, and when you come to a bunch of tall buildings and night million people, you%u2019re there%u2014but it is especially here that we arc more sinned against than sinning, as the following and only faintly apocryphal television plot reveals.Ronald Reagan has been kidnapped bySikkimese terrorists who are threatening to release him again unless the United States declares war on Nepal. He is being held in a house on India Street. India Street is a street in Greenpoint. Greenpoint is a peninsula in the northwestern corner of, u ^ n - v - <%u2022 r%u00bb I t1 / v n / u ^ I I \\Jl U l V H M V I y 11 . 11 U I g .Cut to: Telly Savalas leaving police headquarters and hopping into his car. Savalas has a hot tip that Ronald Reagan is being held in a house on India Street. He is going there. Police headquarters is at thefoot of the Brooklyn Bridge. The Brooklyn Bridge is also big. It leads directly to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, which in turns leads to Greenpoint, where India Street is.The next shot shows Savalas driving up it he Henry Hudson Parkway, his face a imask of determination.Perhaps 1 shouldn%u2019t scoff. Maybe Savalas wants to collect his thoughts, or it could be that his pistol needs to cool down from his last adventure. After all, it is entirely possible to get from the Henry Hudson Parkway to India Street in Greenpoint. You drive up to the Cross Bronx Expressway, cut south on uiucKner, cross the Whitestone, and thread your way through a lot of Robert Moses%u2019 spaghetti back to the BQE. Maybe that%u2019s what Savalas is going to do. Let%u2019s wait and see.In the next shot, Savalas is speeding south on East River Drive.ON THE RIGHT TRACKAgain I have a plausible explanation. Savalas is supposed to be a New York City police lieutenant. Police lieutenants do not1 Igrow on trees; they have to pass a civil ^service exam. Therefore, when Salvalas (got to the Cloisters, it naturally came to him that he was on the wrong island, and he took steps. He%u2019s on the right track now. A little late, but on (he right track. Those Sikkimese better watch out. out.Nope. The Sikkimese are safe as houses, because the next time we are shown Savalas%u2019 cop car, it is tearing hell forIcather up the Major Deegan. The Major Dcegan is in the Bronx. If Savalas keeps going for a couple of hours, he will be able to take up his problem with Govenor Carey, in Albany.Why docs Telly Savalas want to discuss the case with Gov. Carey? (Following the logic that has now begun to emerge on the show, he probably thinks he%u2019s going to have a chat with Gov. Duryea, or maybe Gov. Wilson. Remember Gov. Wilson?) Gov. Carey is an old Brooklyn hand, and he will only tell Salvalas to head south until he finds the Brooklyn Bridge%u2014an optimistic order if there ever was one, by all indications.Nevertheless, this is apparently what happens. Following a bit of business where the fiendish abductors torture their captive by reading aloud from the Constitution of the United States, we are treated to a shot where Savalas does, indeed, finally cross the Brooklyn Bridge. But for some reason, Brooklyn Bridge leads directly to the Clinton section of Manhattan, where Savalas%u2019 car careens around a lot of corners and otherwise carries on like all cars carry on where television is concerned. Somehow, all this leads him to a tenement building in Bedfort. He charges inside, revolver at the readv.TREMBLING OF THE VEIL1 will now draw a veil over the proceedings, because in a normal world he would almost instantly re-emerge, hotly niirsnoH hv th#%u00bb cuper her brooms, and that isn%u2019t going to happen.SPRY OLD CUSSAh, you might say, but that%u2019s television, and we all know about television. FaircontinuedDecember 7,1978, THE PHOENIX, Page 11%u00bb > i i ' !%u2022 ,*%u2022. %u2018 i i t 4* 4 %u2019 - 1 t \- -