Page 93 - Taming Your Gremlin A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way (Rick Carson)_Neat

I saw a couple recently who loved one another very much. Let’s call
them John and Sarah. John was very upset, almost in anguish, because his
wife told him that she found one of their mutual male friends “sexy.” That

is all she said. The comment seemed like an innocent one, even to John. But
John’s gremlin took hold. His gremlin tortured him with images of his wife
being more attracted to the other man than to him, making love with the
man, and his wife leaving him (John). As John began to open up to me, he
shared that on occasion he fantasized catching his wife in a romantic
encounter with the man. Eventually he realized and shared with me that he
found the whole idea somehow stimulating. It didn’t make him happy, but it

stimulated him, sort of like scratching a rash. And that is how it is with
gremlins.

Gremlins do their best to get us to settle for titillation rather than for
full, rich fulfillment and contentment. John wondered for days about his
wife and her intentions. In one of our joint sessions, he even talked with her
about his feelings, and he shared his fears and fantasies. She gave him all
the assurance one person could give another, and intellectually he believed

her. However, in the days that followed, his gremlin persisted in
reintroducing the disturbing questions and fantasies.

John tried over and over to resolve his thinking on the issue, and he
discussed the matter several times with his wife. On occasion, he would
convince himself of his wife’s fidelity. He could see the misery that his
gremlin was perpetuating within him and between him and his wife. They
were both sick and tired of the whole issue, but John still felt compelled to
think about it. He grew irritable with Sarah, and their discussions about the

matter began to feel to her like interrogations. John knew that what he was
doing was eroding their relationship, but he just couldn’t leave the matter
alone. In one of our sessions, he likened his experience to that of watching a
sexy, slightly violent movie. He didn’t have loving feelings while going
over the confused morass of facts and fantasies his gremlin dangled before

him, but he was irresistibly stimulated by them.

Your gremlin knows precisely how to get your attention, and he will
create movies in your head perfectly suited to your vulnerabilities. They
may be sexy, sad, violent, scary, or like beautiful fairy tales, but certainly