Page 143 - REACHING ALWAYS FOR MY SECOND ELEMENT

This day started with a what-if question. A question very hard for this mind and heart to
comprehend or accept. Very unsettling to think that my once-known Joyselyn’s mission

on this earth, in this life, was complete, and no more room beyond heaven’s gates for
our spirits to reunite. Looking at all my selfish ways, all that I could have given and

foolishly did not, and how that might justify such an act. I understand we are not given
over to marriage in God's kingdom, but I can't help but think that there is something

more that we must share. The Father and I know that my once beloved Joyselyn has

paid her dues. She has never been indebted to me. My responsibility has always been to
care for her well-being, and I have been a total failure. As much as I believe I loved her

and still do, I realize that loving is not enough. I was not acting on what my heart felt,
nor had I sacrificed myself to see that my Joyselyn's dreams came true, which I did not.

No one knows the Father's plans beyond this earth's grip, but I pray for His gift, more like

a loan that He shared with me, our Joyselyn; my prayer that He allows us to come
together once more in the new life yet to come. I will forever pray that it will be so. I

feel so lost without her. There could never be a more extraordinary gift in my life than
the Father blessing me with Joyselyn.

Thank you, Adonai, for loving this weak vessel of a man and shedding your blood for my
sins. Thank you for saving me and the countless blessings that You have graced me.

Mar. 17, 2021

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