Page 78 - Meeting with Children Book

P a ge | 76

exploration include getting help from a parent
without the parent/caregiver taking over, the
caregiver taking in and enjoying the child’s exploration
and achievements. Taking delight in a child as related
to who he/she is versus what he/she can do is also
critical. The caregiver has to have the right degree of
proximity and presence of mind. Children know when
the parent is simply “there” in body, but not
emotionally available for their exploration actions.
Children will move to and from their caregiver and
take greater and greater distance from this safe base
as time goes on if the caregiver is appropriately
responsive.

The bottom of the diagram emphasizes the
organization of feeling states. Infants and children
have strong feelings that require adult mediation. This
requires the adult to be emotionally available. The
most important issue is that the caregiver manages
their own emotions enough to assist their child. The
child requires a safe haven; a place to go to.
Caregivers don’t always have to get it right but they
need to be able to repair any relationship ruptures
between them and their child. It is common that many
caregivers are more comfortable with being more
available either at the top of the diagram or the
bottom of the diagram. Some parents can quickly
identify and manage emotional matters and can read
and respond to the cues of their child accurately. They
can provide warmth, physical contact and soothing
strategies to help their child manage overwhelming
feelings. Other caregivers, however, may over-read or
under-read their child’s needs and emotional cues.