Page 617 - of-human-bondage-

had determined. He discovered that the three pages he had
read had made no impression on him at all; and he went back
and started from the beginning: he found himself reading
one sentence over and over again; and now it weaved itself
in with his thoughts, horribly, like some formula in a night-
mare. One thing he could do was to go out and keep away
till midnight; they could not go then; and he saw them call-
ing at the house every hour to ask if he was in. He enjoyed
the thought of their disappointment. He repeated that sen-
tence to himself mechanically. But he could not do that. Let
them come and take the money, and he would know then
to what depths of infamy it was possible for men to descend.
He could not read any more now. He simply could not see
the words. He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes, and,
numb with misery, waited for Mildred.
The landlady came in.
‘Will you see Mrs. Miller, sir?’
‘Show her in.’
Philip pulled himself together to receive her without any
sign of what he was feeling. He had an impulse to throw
himself on his knees and seize her hands and beg her not
to go; but he knew there was no way of moving her; she
would tell Griffiths what he had said and how he acted. He
was ashamed.
‘Well, how about the little jaunt?’ he said gaily.
‘We’re going. Harry’s outside. I told him you didn’t want
to see him, so he’s kept out of your way. But he wants to
know if he can come in just for a minute to say good-bye
to you.’

1 Of Human Bondage