Page 622 - of-human-bondage-

LXXVIII

t last Monday came, and Philip thought his long tor-
Ature was over. Looking out the trains he found that the
latest by which Griffiths could reach home that night left
Oxford soon after one, and he supposed that Mildred would
take one which started a few minutes later to bring her to
London. His desire was to go and meet it, but he thought
Mildred would like to be left alone for a day; perhaps she
would drop him a line in the evening to say she was back,
and if not he would call at her lodgings next morning: his
spirit was cowed. He felt a bitter hatred for Griffiths, but for
Mildred, notwithstanding all that had passed, only a heart-
rending desire. He was glad now that Hayward was not in
London on Saturday afternoon when, distraught, he went
in search of human comfort: he could not have prevented
himself from telling him everything, and Hayward would
have been astonished at his weakness. He would despise
him, and perhaps be shocked or disgusted that he could en-
visage the possibility of making Mildred his mistress after
she had given herself to another man. What did he care if it
was shocking or disgusting? He was ready for any compro-
mise, prepared for more degrading humiliations still, if he
could only gratify his desire.
Towards the evening his steps took him against his will
to the house in which she lived, and he looked up at her

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