Page 629 - the-idiot

haps I do. Do you know I have intended to poison myself at
least thirty times—ever since I was thirteen or so—and to
write to my parents before I did it? I used to think how nice
it would be to lie in my coffin, and have them all weeping
over me and saying it was all their fault for being so cruel,
and all that—what are you smiling at?’ she added, knitting
her brow. ‘What do YOU think of when you go mooning
about alone? I suppose you imagine yourself a fieldmarshal,
and think you have conquered Napoleon?’
‘Well, I really have thought something of the sort now
and then, especially when just dozing off,’ laughed the
prince. ‘Only it is the Austrians whom I conquer—not Na-
poleon.’
‘I don’t wish to joke with you, Lef Nicolaievitch. I shall
see Hippolyte myself. Tell him so. As for you, I think you
are behaving very badly, because it is not right to judge a
man’s soul as you are judging Hippolyte’s. You have no gen-
tleness, but only justice—so you are unjust.’
The prince reflected.
‘I think you are unfair towards me,’ he said. ‘There is
nothing wrong in the thoughts I ascribe to Hippolyte; they
are only natural. But of course I don’t know for certain what
he thought. Perhaps he thought nothing, but simply longed
to see human faces once more, and to hear human praise
and feel human affection. Who knows? Only it all came out
wrong, somehow. Some people have luck, and everything
comes out right with them; others have none, and never a
thing turns out fortunately.’
‘I suppose you have felt that in your own case,’ said Agla-

The Idiot