Page 633 - the-idiot

‘I am very glad, too, because she is often laughed at by
people. But listen to the chief point. I have long thought
over the matter, and at last I have chosen you. I don’t wish
people to laugh at me; I don’t wish people to think me a ‘lit-
tle fool.’ I don’t want to be chaffed. I felt all this of a sudden,
and I refused Evgenie Pavlovitch flatly, because I am not
going to be forever thrown at people’s heads to be married.
I want—I want— well, I’ll tell you, I wish to run away from
home, and I have chosen you to help me.’
‘Run away from home?’ cried the prince.
‘Yes—yes—yes! Run away from home!’ she repeated, in
a transport of rage. ‘I won’t, I won’t be made to blush every
minute by them all! I don’t want to blush before Prince S. or
Evgenie Pavlovitch, or anyone, and therefore I have chosen
you. I shall tell you everything, EVERYTHING, even the
most important things of all, whenever I like, and you are
to hide nothing from me on your side. I want to speak to at
least one person, as I would to myself. They have suddenly
begun to say that I am waiting for you, and in love with
you. They began this before you arrived here, and so I didn’t
show them the letter, and now they all say it, every one of
them. I want to be brave, and be afraid of nobody. I don’t
want to go to their balls and things—I want to do good. I
have long desired to run away, for I have been kept shut up
for twenty years, and they are always trying to marry me
off. I wanted to run away when I was fourteen years old—I
was a little fool then, I know—but now I have worked it all
out, and I have waited for you to tell me about foreign coun-
tries. I have never seen a single Gothic cathedral. I must

The Idiot