Page 556 - for-the-term-of-his-natural-life

servants, who had deserted her five years ago, as soon as
he obtained his freedom. A word or two at dinner set me
thinking. She had received some English papers, and, ac-
counting for her pre-occupied manner, grimly said, ‘I think
I have news of my husband.’ I should not like to be in Carr’s
shoes if she has news of him! I don’t think she would suf-
fer indignity calmly. After all, what business is it of mine? I
was beguiled into taking more wine at dinner than I needed.
Confessor, do you hear me? But I will not allow myself to
be carried away. You grin, you fat Familiar! So may I, but I
shall be eaten with remorse tomorrow.
March 3rd.—A place called Jerrilang, where I have a
head and heartache. ‘One that hath let go himself from the
hold and stay of reason, and lies open to the mercy of all
temptations.’
March 20th.—Sydney. At Captain Frere’s.—Seventeen
days since I have opened you, beloved and detested com-
panion of mine. I have more than half a mind to never open
you again! To read you is to recall to myself all I would most
willingly forget; yet not to read you would be to forget all
that which I should for my sins remember.
The last week has made a new man of me. I am no lon-
ger morose, despairing, and bitter, but genial, and on good
terms with fortune. It is strange that accident should have
induced me to stay a week under the same roof with that
vision of brightness which has haunted me so long. A meet-
ing in the street, an introduction, an invitation— the thing
is done.
The circumstances which form our fortunes are cer-