Page 557 - for-the-term-of-his-natural-life
P. 557

tainly curious things. I had thought never again to meet
           the bright young face to which I felt so strange an attrac-
           tion—and lo! here it is smiling on me daily. Captain Frere
            should be a happy man. Yet there is a skeleton in this house
            also. That young wife, by nature so lovable and so mirthful,
            ought not to have the sadness on her face that twice to-day
           has clouded it. He seems a passionate and boorish creature,
           this wonderful convict disciplinarian. His convicts—poor
            devils—are  doubtless  disciplined  enough.  Charming  lit-
           tle Sylvia, with your quaint wit and weird beauty, he is not
            good enough for you—and yet it was a love match.
              March  21st.—I  have  read  family  prayers  every  night
            since I have been here— my black coat and white tie gave
           me the natural pre-eminence in such matters— and I feel
            guilty every time I read. I wonder what the little lady of the
            devotional eyes would say if she knew that I am a miserable
           hypocrite, preaching that which I do not practise, exhort-
           ing others to believe those marvels which I do not believe? I
            am a coward not to throw off the saintly mask, and appear
            as a Freethinker. Yet, am I a coward? I urge upon myself
           that it is for the glory of God I hold my peace. The scandal of
            a priest turned infidel would do more harm than the reign
            of reason would do good. Imagine this trustful woman for
           instance— she would suffer anguish at the thoughts of such
            a sin, though another were the sinner. ‘If anyone offend one
            of these little ones it were better for him that a millstone be
           hanged about his neck and that he be cast into the sea.’ Yet
           truth is truth, and should be spoken—should it not, malig-
           nant monitor, who remindest me how often I fail to speak it?

                                      For the Term of His Natural Life
   552   553   554   555   556   557   558   559   560   561   562