Page 520 - the-brothers-karamazov

unendurable that you were alive knowing everything and
condemning me. I hated you as though you were the cause,
as though you were to blame for everything. I came back
to you then, remembering that you had a dagger lying on
your table. I sat down and asked you to sit down, and for a
whole minute I pondered. If I had killed you, I should have
been ruined by that murder even if I had not confessed the
other. But I didn’t think about that at all, and I didn’t want
to think of it at that moment. I only hated you and longed to
revenge myself on you for everything. The Lord vanquished
the devil in my heart. But let me tell you, you were never
nearer death.’
A week later he died. The whole town followed him to
the grave. The chief priest made a speech full of feeling. All
lamented the terrible illness that had cut short his days. But
all the town was up in arms against me after the funeral,
and people even refused to see me. Some, at first a few and
afterwards more, began indeed to believe in the truth of his
story, and they visited me and questioned me with great
interest and eagerness, for man loves to see the downfall
and disgrace of the righteous. But I held my tongue, and
very shortly after, I left the town, and five months later by
God’s grace I entered the safe and blessed path, praising the
unseen finger which had guided me so clearly to it. But I
remember in my prayer to this day, the servant of God, Mi-
hail, who suffered so greatly.

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