Page 611 - the-brothers-karamazov
P. 611

else. With a sinking heart he was expecting every moment
           Grushenka’s decision, always believing that it would come
            suddenly, on the impulse of the moment. All of a sudden
            she would say to him: ‘Take me, I’m yours for ever,’ and it
           would all be over. He would seize her and bear her away at
            once to the ends of the earth. Oh, then he would bear her
            away at once, as far, far away as possible; to the farthest end
            of Russia, if not of the earth, then he would marry her, and
            settle down with her incognito, so that no one would know
            anything about them, there, here, or anywhere. Then, oh
           then, a new life would begin at once!
              Of this different, reformed and ‘virtuous’ life (“it must, it
           must be virtuous’) he dreamed feverishly at every moment.
           He  thirsted  for  that  reformation  and  renewal.  The  filthy
           morass, in which he had sunk of his own free will, was too
           revolting to him, and, like very many men in such cases, he
           put faith above all in change of place. If only it were not for
           these people, if only it were not for these circumstances, if
            only he could fly away from this accursed place- he would
            be altogether regenerated, would enter on a new path. That
           was what he believed in, and what he was yearning for.
              But all this could only be on condition of the first, the
           happy solution of the question. There was another possibil-
           ity, a different and awful ending. Suddenly she might say to
           him: ‘Go away. I have just come to terms with Fyodor Pav-
            lovitch. I am going to marry him and don’t want you’ — and
           then... but then... But Mitya did not know what would hap-
           pen then. Up to the last hour he didn’t know. That must
            be  said  to  his  credit.  He  had  no  definite  intentions,  had

            10                             The Brothers Karamazov
   606   607   608   609   610   611   612   613   614   615   616