Page 613 - the-brothers-karamazov

To anticipate things: he did, perhaps, know where to get
the money, knew, perhaps, where it lay at that moment. I
will say no more of this here, as it will all be clear later. But
his chief trouble, I must explain however obscurely, lay in
the fact that to have that sum he knew of, to have the right to
take it, he must first restore Katerina Ivanovna’s three thou-
sand — if not, ‘I’m a common pick-pocket, I’m a scoundrel,
and I don’t want to begin a new life as a scoundrel,’ Mitya
decided. And so he made up his mind to move heaven and
earth to return Katerina Ivanovna that three thousand, and
that first of all. The final stage of this decision, so to say,
had been reached only during the last hours, that is, after
his last interview with Alyosha, two days before, on the
high-road, on the evening when Grushenka had insulted
Katerina Ivanovna, and Mitya, after hearing Alyosha’s ac-
count of it, had admitted that he was a scoundrel, and told
him to tell Katerina Ivanovna so, if it could be any comfort
to her. After parting from his brother on that night, he had
felt in his frenzy that it would be better ‘to murder and rob
someone than fail to pay my debt to Katya. I’d rather ev-
eryone thought me a robber and a murderer; I’d rather go
to Siberia than that Katya should have the right to say that
I deceived her and stole her money, and used her money to
run away with Grushenka and begin a new life! That I can’t
do!’ So Mitya decided, grinding his teeth, and he might well
fancy at times that his brain would give way. But meanwhile
he went on struggling....
Strange to say, though one would have supposed there
was nothing left for him but despair — for what chance had

1 The Brothers Karamazov