Page 46 - Diane Musgrove Issue

Don’t Be the Judge of Me

Article and Photos by Maggie Ramos

You think you know me because what comes out of me. It is not just a er. I was surprised because she never
we are acquaintances, or perhaps, we bad, evil curse. I have learned that I judged me, but instead, she supported
might even be friends. How much now understand that the sexual abuse me in finding help to get through what
do you really know about me? How forced upon me was not my fault. I I was experiencing.
much have you learned about me? I learned to forgive first myself and Ten years ago, I was very shy
bet I forgot to share with you that at then those who disturbed my peace and often withdrew from life. I was
some point in my life, I was suicidal. of mind and abruptly removed my extremely depressed but tried to deal
I’m sure you never suspected this fact innocence. One too many times, I with the depression alone.
or that I have been a patient at Aurora allowed the bad memories to return. Things have changed now. I
Behavior Health Care in San Diego, Flashbacks worked their way into constantly seek help when I feel de-
California. my unconscious and interrupted my pression creep in. I’m not shy, embar-
You see, one early morning, I sleep. rassed, or guilty about asking for help.
attempted suicide. I’m surprised the For many years, I did not believe Instead, I’m eager to attend my next
charges weren’t more serious than a that I needed outside help and sup- session. I became a better friend to my
stay at Aurora for a few weeks. Al- port. I could not accept the reality therapists. At first, I was distrustful of
though it was a short period of time, it that I did, in fact, need mental health them, but now I appreciate and respect
was a good experience. The stay there care. I never wanted to hear anyone their advice and concern. A good
allowed me to reflect upon the attempt mention that they thought I needed counselor doesn’t sit there and give
and helped me realize it was worth outside assistance. advice.
staying in this world because there are Things have changed now. I can My therapists have allowed me to
many beautiful reasons to stay and now share with you my rough journey think through my issues, talk them
continue to be part of it. and the way mental support found me. over, and then choose my own direc-
With time and lots of therapy, I Nothing is by chance. I was directed tion based on different points of view
have learned to accept who I am and to cognitive therapy by an old employ- we have both discussed.

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