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Friends and Lovers

First and foremost, your primary love partner should be your best friend. What follows is a summary of thoughts to keep in mind when building a
healthy loving relationship. Whilst it is personalised from a man’s perspective, it is equally appropriate from a woman’s viewpoint.

The only way to have a friend is to be one. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Learn to see her without distortion; to value her as highly as you value yourself; to give without expecting anything in return; to commit yourself fully to her
welfare. Only then can love move freely between you without apparent effort. It’s unconditional love between best friends.

When we are able to love in this selfless manner, we experience a release of energy. We cease to be consumed by the details of our relationship, we
spontaneously treat each other with love and respect. Love becomes automatic.

Friendship among lovers is essential to unconditional love and is the primary ingredient for a deep and lasting love relationship. Trust her with the deepest
murmurings of your soul. She knows the best and the worst of you and yet loves you through and through -- a friend as well as a lover.

Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart. ~ Charles Dickens

In order to experience the kind of relationship you want, accept the fact that, in order to understand each other, you and your love partner must have clearly
developed channels of communication. Cultivate transparency by being a master in the art of self-disclosure. Know that when the inclination to reveal
yourself to the one you love is blocked, you close yourself to her and experience emotional difficulties. Promise to never hide behind a facade.

Practice telling her exactly what pleases you, decreasing her reliance on guesswork. Express preferences instead of demands. Believe that you can never
know yourself except by disclosing yourself to her.

In ways you may not fully understand, self-disclosure helps you to see things, feel things, imagine things, hope for things that you could never have thought
possible. The invitation to transparency, then, is really an invitation to authenticity. It is also an invitation to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

When you allow her to see you for who you really are right now, you become less afraid that you will be rejected in the future. When she accepts and loves
you unconditionally, you know you will never have to hide in the relationship in the future.

To have inner peace it is necessary to be consistently loving in what you think, in what you say and in what you do. Think thoughts of love. Speak words of
love. Demonstrate unconditional love for her in all that you do.
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Openness means being willing to communicate your deepest feelings. There can be no intimacy without conversation. The only way you can both truly