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Psalm 46:1 says “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in
trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the

mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam
and quake with their surging.”

This was a very accurate summation of my mental and physical state at
that precise moment but also an overwhelming guilt because for the last
six weeks of her life as I knew her I was absent and now I will never get
that time back, I’ll never get her back.

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the
Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future.” Dumbfounded, I tried to reason my feelings with God’s
word and will. How could this be right, or be a good thing, I know He
never gives us more than we can handle but really?!!

Even Ecclesiastes, one of the messages I frequently refer to in my life
and constantly share with others, seemed like a slap in the face. God
speaks here of the different purposes He has for the different times in our
lives, but this made no sense to me, and Margaret never would know.
In a mere moment on that day life turned completely on its head for all of
us, no warning and no explanation.

Proverbs 3:5 encourages people to trust in the Lord with all their heart
and lean not on their own understanding. Matthew 11:28 offers comfort
to those who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and promises that God
will give them rest. Jeremiah 29:11 assures people that God is in control
and has good plans for them and Romans 12:2 encourages people to
transform their minds and live in accordance with God’s will.

Our faith often is tested and it certainly was being now, how could any of
this be positive? How could it be a learning opportunity? It was loss,
sadness, guilt and many other feelings in one big wrecking ball that was
taking me down. Not to mention that my partner was still grieving the loss
of her mother, and knowing that it was coming still didn't make it hurt any
less than coming out of the blue. My relationship was struggling in the
darkness and so I prayed long and hard and God gave me a realization.
In Hebrews 11:1 Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence
of things not seen.

James 1:22 tells us to use God’s word as a mirror to truly understand
ourselves and 1 Corinthians 11:28, 2 Corinthians 13:5 and also Galatians
6:4 tells us that God commands His people to examine themselves and
their actions.

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