Page 17 - Edition Summer 22 News and Views revised 31.05.pub (Read-Only)

My Quaker Journey Barrie Mahoney, April 2022

It was over 50 years ago that I met my partner, lover and best friend, David, when we were both
studying at teacher training college. Looking back over the years, I have concluded that we did
well to get through it and still be together in a relationship that remains as strong today as it did
over fifty years ago. Fifty years ago, relationships between same sex couples were illegal, we
were unable to share our feelings with anyone, knowing full well that any hint of our relationship
would mean expulsion from teacher training and making a future in our chosen careers
impossible.

Over the years, we learned successfully how to hide our feelings, to be vague and non-committal
about ‘girlfriends’. We ‘hid’ quietly in a Dorset village, only maintaining a very tight circle of close
friends and never discussing the issue with our families. Looking back, it was a lonely and, in
some ways, an unfulfilling period of our lives. David’s skills as an organist became quickly known
to local vicars and church leaders, who were desperate for both increased congregations, as well
as a reliable and talented organist. Despite this, as soon as there was any hint that we might be a
couple, the shutters came down, and invitations to church and community events quickly

disappeared.

Against this backdrop, and perhaps surprisingly, I was appointed as the deputy headteacher of a
Roman Catholic school. Apparently, I was appointed to keep the visiting nuns and headteacher
from quarrelling, as well as my skills in debating my long held beliefs in vegetarianism and animal
welfare. Later, both David and I became headteachers of Church of England schools. Once
again, secrecy was essential and I recall the school governors looking horrified when I was asked
after my interview if I would care to move into the dilapidated school house with my wife. “Maybe
she could help with the choir,” began the Lady of the Manor. The governors appeared shocked
when I politely declined. I am sure that the Governors wished they had asked that question
before appointing me as their new headteacher.

Our busy lives as headteachers provided a period of relative stability, mainly because David and
I knew how to play the ‘I am not gay’ game. We could never attend each other’s school functions,
nor attend staff ‘get togethers’ and / or talk about our weekends, as is usual with most school
staff. As usual, we had to remain aloof and non-committal. Even our families believed that we
were just ‘good friends’, although this view was dismissed many years later by my nephew who
claimed that they knew all along. How we wish they had told us, it would have made life so
much easier.

One memorable day, David had a breakdown. He was very ill and was told that he would never
work again. Much was due to work-related stress as a headteacher, as well as what the
psychologist described as “repressed sexuality”. David was put on permanent medication and
retired from teaching. It is one of my greatest sadness’s in life that an excellent teacher and
headteacher ended an otherwise successful career in this way.

I continued my working life as a school inspector for OFSTED in England and Estyn in Wales. I
enjoyed the job, not only for the privilege of working with so many excellent people, who were
committed to doing their best for the children in their care, but the escape that it gave me. I was

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