Page 10 - TheLeek_1

JUNE 4, 2018 BREAKING NEWS
President Trump announced this morning that he would issue a group pardon on Friday to four individuals who have not yet been convicted of a crime. “Why are people forced to be convicted of a crime and then wait five years for a pardon? This is a ridiculous waste of time and money. I say, Trump, do the pardon now so they can vote, run
for office, carry guns, be on a jury and work for Trump before the mid-term election. My adviser, Stephen ‘PP Man’ Miller calls it a Preemptive Pardon. I like the sound of that.” The president’s inaugural PP list includes:
Thomas Barrack
A surprising choice because Trump detests Barack Obama although Barrack and Barack are not related. Also peculiar because Barrack’s grandparents are Lebanese immigrants and are significantly browner than other people on the president’s hate list. A fellow real estate mongrel, Barrack’s need for Trump’s PP powers is inevitable.
Linda McMahon
One of Trump’s closest female friends, McMahon stands out among other women in Trump’s life by having hair that resembles the color
of the president’s and being indeterminately overweight. They were brought together by WWE’s Battle of the Billionaires, a wrestling event McMahon and her husband Vince concocted to get inside Trump’s extra-large pants. Reportedly, 521 bookies raked in record earnings that night, prompting Trump to name McMahon head of the “Small Business Admenstruation.”