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AUGUST 29, 2018 BREAKING NEWS
In a press conference that ended moments ago, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced that the president called for the United States Constitution to be abolished, effective September 15, 2018. When asked if the president had the authority to take such an extreme action, Ms. Sanders replied firmly, “Of course, by executive order. Obama used it all the time. Why should President Trump be denied the same prerogative?”
“Ms. Sanders, Jim Acosta here. Are you freaking kidding me? The Constitution is the supreme law of the land. No one, and I mean no one, can wake up on the wrong side of the bed and summarily destroy the legal basis of the United States of America.”
“Mr. Acosta, I don’t want to mire you in details, but President Trump thought long and hard about this over his breakfast of Diet Coke and Fox News yesterday. Gosh darn, that old document is more than 200 years old. Last night, the president tried to read it and couldn’t get through the first sentence because the handwriting was so bad. The president thinks the time has come to clean house and get rid of old papers that nobody reads anyway.”
“But Ms. Sanders, Article 1, Section 1 of the Constitution clearly states all legislative powers are vested in the Congress. They are NOT vested in the president.”