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president’s interest in our breakthrough treatment, we convened a senior management Zoom meeting immediately and unanimously agreed that a 50% wholesale discount was not only appropriate, but a boon to our advertising strategy. Our marketing team discarded previous contenders and unveiled our therapeutic cocktail’s brand name, The Trump Cock, at a company-wide reveal party last night, where kudos and enthusiasm were infectious.”
When asked to break down the remaining charges, the question was referred to an unidentified Walter Reed intern who reported, “I just started working here last week but I’ve already picked up a lot. Did you know that they built a mini-Oval Office in the hospital for the president? A janitor told me it’s 22,000 square feet. That’s, like, ten times bigger than the house I grew up in. Also, no one on the president’s care team wears a mask. Word in the hallway is that Mr. Trump threatened to fire them if they did not obey his executive order. This morning I overheard a guy from our billing office complain to the head doctor that Mr. Trump was getting the best socialized medicine in the world and not paying one gosh darn – he used other words – dime for it. The doctor told
him not to worry, Republican taxpayers were more than happy to pay for it. Not the really rich ones, but the uneducated regular people. You know, the ones Trump loves. His supporters.”
This story will be updated as new “compassionate donor” waivers are issued.