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Asking Forgiveness

and Forgiving Others

Rabbi Yosef Zvi Rimon

he goal of Yom Kippur is ex- Chaim 606:1). Therefore, a person is obli- Do not be satisfied with a verbal apol-
plained in the verses in Parashat gated to reconcile with other people for ogy. The one apologizing must commit
Acharei Mot: “And [all this] shall the sins he committed against them, as to avoiding his sin in the future. The
T be as an eternal statute for you; Yom Kippur will not help him with these Rambam writes that the person apolo-
in the seventh month, on the tenth of sins. gizing must placate the person he has
the month, you shall afflict yourselves, wronged until the victim forgives him:
and you shall not do any work neither Many people customarily ask for forgive- “Teshuva and Yom Kippur only atone
the native nor the stranger who dwells ness on Erev Yom Kippur from acquain- for sins between man and G-d, such as
among you. For on this day He shall effect tances and family members against whom a person who ate a forbidden food or
atonement for you to cleanse you. Before they have not really sinned. However, it is engaged in forbidden sexual relations.
Hashem, you shall be cleansed from all important to realize that the main goal is However, sins between man and man,
your sins” (Vayikra 16:29–30). to ask forgiveness from those people with such as a person who injures a colleague,
whom we have a real quarrel or conflict. curses a colleague, steals from him, or
The Torah establishes that Yom Kippur
is intended for atonement for sins: “you Is a person obligated to forgive someone the like, will never be forgiven until he
gives his colleague what he owes him and
shall be cleansed from all your sins.” The who apologizes to him when it is clear appeases him. Even if a person restores
character of the day is derived from this that the person apologizing is only super- the money that he owes [the person he
goal. The Rambam describes Yom Kippur ficially asking for forgiveness, but does wronged], he must appease him and ask
as “the apex of forgiveness and pardon for not truly regret his actions and is likely to
Israel,” and as a time of repentance: repeat his sin? It seems not. To do teshuva, him to forgive him” (Hilchot Teshuva 2:9).
it is not enough to ask for forgiveness. One The demand for true remorse is also
“Yom Kippur is the time of teshuva for all, must repent for his sins and take it upon expressed on the part of the victim. As
both individuals and the community at himself not to do them again. As long as
large. It is the apex of forgiveness and the person apologizing does not do so, he Rambam states: “It is forbidden for the
person who suffered the injury to be cruel
pardon for Israel. Accordingly, everyone has not accomplished true teshuva and and not to forgive the one who caused the
is obligated to repent and confess on Yom there is no obligation to forgive him. This
Kippur” (Hilchot Teshuva 2:7). principle emerges from the words of the injury. This is not the course of behavior
for a descendant of Israel. Instead, since
Why does G-d forgive us? How should we Rambam and applies both to sins against the person who caused the injury asks and
behave in order for Him to forgive us? G-d and to sins against man: pleads with him for forgiveness once or
twice, and he knows that he has repented
As is well known, we must repent for “Similarly, someone who injures a col- from his sin and regrets his evil deeds, he
both transgressions between man and league or damages his property does not should forgive him. Whoever hastens to
G-d (ם ֹוק ָּ מ ַל ם ָד ָא ןי ֵּ ב) as well as transgres- attain atonement, even though he pays
sions between man and his friend (ם ָד ָא ןי ֵּ ב him what he owes, until he confesses and grant forgiveness is praiseworthy and is
regarded favorably by the Sages” (Hilchot
ֹור ֵב ֲח ַל). Regarding transgressions between makes a commitment never to do such Chovel U’Mazik 5:10).
a man and his friend, the Shulchan Aruch a thing again, as implied by the phrase
rules that “Yom Kippur does not atone (Bamidbar 5:6), ‘any of the sins of man’” It is clear that the victim is only required
until he reconciles with his friend” (Orach (Hilchot Teshuva 1:1). to forgive if he knows that the person

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