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the same as Charedi. I emphasize this point with families even   do to fundamentally change it. Going out of your way to show
        before their Aliyah. When asked for advice, I help the family   “how Israeli” you’ve become rarely works; when you talk in
        clarify which issues and values are truly important to them and   Hebrew in front of their friends – especially using slang – all you
        how they want to raise their children. Then I try to guide them   do is embarrass yourself (and them). Second, we have to learn
        on which communities and schools will most closely align with   to forgive ourselves and laugh about our mistakes. There are
        their priorities.                                     aspects of their experience which we do not fully understand and
                                                              that’s OK. Third, parents need to adjust their expectations – for
        For families making Aliyah, there is a natural generational   example, dress in Israel is more casual than we may be used to. At
        gap, in which the parents are more Anglo while the kids are   the same time, you are still the parent and if you see something
        growing up Israeli. What can parents do to alleviate this gap?   that truly diverges from your values you shouldn’t be afraid to
                                                              push back. All children – including olim – need parental guidance
        Rabbi Fine: One of the biggest challenges is when children take   and we cannot abdicate that responsibility.
        very different paths than their parents, decisions they may not
        have made had they stayed in the Diaspora. When I see a child
        of friends who has decided not to remain religiously observant,   As rabbinic leaders, you have guided countless individuals
        I sometimes say to my wife that, while no-one can ever know,   and families through their Aliyah. What is the most import-
        I believe this child would have stayed religious had this family   ant advice you can give people making Aliyah?
        remained in the Diaspora. This sometimes happens because   Rabbi Fine: Take advantage of the amazing learning and chessed
        children in Israel see a different model of how to remain a seri-  opportunities available to us here that are simply unavailable
        ous and identified Jew without necessarily being observant.   elsewhere. I don’t just mean traditional book learning, but any
        This model doesn’t really exist outside of Israel. Children who   opportunity which enriches us as Jews. Many of us have what
        become more ensconced in Israeli life are exposed to Israelis   we call “only in Israel” moments. Treasure those moments and
        who are committed to Israel through their army service, the   take one minute every day to reflect on what we are doing here
        Land, Hebrew, and the rhythm of the Hebrew calendar – but are   and why we came. Remember that we are not just living our own
        not necessarily observant. We can’t prevent our children from   private lives but also helping to build a Jewish nation that needs
        seeing this model as a viable one. As with all parenting issues, we   all of our talents and contributions. This keeps us even keeled
        must create positive communication and do our best to behave   and helps us weather the inevitable challenges that often come                            CHAG SAMEACH!
        as positive role models in order to convey our values. We must
        trust our children and believe in them. We also need to realize   with living in Israel.                                                                  !חמש גח
        that they can be our teachers and that we have to learn from   I also suggest that people planning to make Aliyah spend as much
        them. I think we need to be realistic and realize that our kids   time learning Hebrew as possible. Learning patience is also essen-
        may not necessarily choose our path.                  tial when dealing with Israeli life, especially at the beginning.
        Rabbi Bendavid: From my standpoint, the generational gap   Rabbi Bendavid: Come to Israel to give, not to take. Israel is the
        occurs because it is the parents, not the children, who choose   greatest miracle of the last 2,000 years, but it is still a work-in-
        to make Aliyah. Everyone has an Aliyah story of how and why   progress and we need your help to make Israel the best it can
        they came. Often, this desire to make Aliyah is animated by a   be. Come to sacrifice, give of yourself, and to build the Jewish
        very strong sense of the arc of Jewish history, the Shoah and   nation. With this mindset, you will never be disappointed when
        the miracle of Medinat Yisrael. Our children take these things for   things don’t go exactly as expected.
        granted. How could they not?! Israel is a fact for them. They don’t
        know of any other reality. In the spirit of Parashat Ki Tavo and   Rabbi Gottlieb: I am often contacted by rabbis and educators
        Seder night, I strongly encourage parents to share their personal   considering Aliyah. One issue I am sensitive to because it was
        Aliyah stories and how they chose to become observant Jews. Our   a struggle for me in my own Aliyah is finding “sipuk hanefesh,”
        kids need to know the struggles we faced, the choices we made,   fulfillment and emotional satisfaction, from your work. Much
        and the values that inspired us to come here in the first place.   attention is focused on the finances of Aliyah, but not enough
                                                              thought is given to the very different and often less prominent
        Rabbanit Bendavid: It is critical to maintain a sense of humility   role people will have in the community. How does someone who
        and humor, which teaches our children how to adapt and cope   was a successful congregational rabbi measure his self-worth
        even in times of transition. We may not always be able to help   if he no longer serves in that capacity? How does an educator
        our kids with their homework, just like we may not always have   who was an administrator or department head see herself if she
        an answer to their philosophical questions.
                                                              now has to cobble together multiple part-time jobs in numerous
        Rabbanit Gottlieb: Wow, this is a big one! First of all, we must   seminaries? More important to the answers to these questions
        accept that this is a reality and that there is not much we can   is the need to think deeply about them before making Aliyah. ◼



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