Page 14 - HaMizrachi #9 Yom HaAtzmaut 5779

Marriage

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski

Marriage

THAT ENDURES SWITCHING MODES
IN ADOLESCENCE

istorically, the family has been he loved her” (Genesis 24:67). Look Of course there is passion in a marriage,
considered the basic unit of carefully at the sequence of the words. but Shaw was right. A marriage based
H society. Certainly in Judaism, Yitzchak’s love for Rivka developed after on passion is on fragile foundations.
the strength of the mishpacha (family) the marriage rather than before it. The mutual love and respect for one
is said to be a major factor in Jewish another that develops after the marriage
survival. In the general population, the Avraham’s servant, Eliezer, who was sent is the cement that can bond the couple
family has suffered serious casualties. to find a wife for Yitzchak, watched for throughout their entire lives.
One out of three children in the US lives a young woman who championed chesed
in a single parent home. The statistics in (acts of kindness). “Let it be the maiden It is of course essential that each partner
the Jewish population are not as grim, to whom I shall say, ‘Please tip over your should behave in a manner conducive
but whereas divorce used to be a rarity, it jug so I may drink,’ and who replies, to the development of love and respect.
is now commonplace, and the fragility of ‘Drink, and I will even water your The formula for this is simple, albeit
the family unit certainly has an effect on camels,’ You will have designated her for not easy. It is the Rambam’s version
the children. Yitzchak.” The basis for the relationship of the Talmud, “to respect her even
was a commonality of values, not “the more than he respects himself, and to
Many relationships begin with two most violent, most insane, most illusive, love her as much as he loves himself.”
people falling in love. While this seems He continues that the wife’s attitude
to be perfectly logical, listen to what and most transient of passions.” This was toward the husband should be similar,
George Bernard Shaw said: “When a relationship in which true love could to honor him and fulfill his wishes.
two people are under the influence of develop.
the most violent, most insane, most The Talmud says that the relationship Having first established that the husband
illusive, and most transient of passions, of a husband to his wife should be “to must respect his wife, it is obvious that
they are required to swear that they will love her as much as he loves himself, his wishes will not encroach on his
remain in that excited, abnormal, and and to respect her even more than he consideration of and respect for her.
exhausting condition continuously until respects himself” (Yevamot 62b). It is of The Jewish family is now at greater risk
death do them part.” Even if they do not interest that the Rambam, in citing the than ever before. These Torah teachings
take a formal oath to that effect, they Talmud, reverses the order and places about marriage can be our salvation.
probably believe that their passion will respect before love. Why? Because it is
be eternal.
unrealistic to expect that one can have
Of course, love is essential to a marriage, so intense a love from day one. It takes Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski is a
but see what the Torah says about time for true love to develop. However, psychiatrist and founder of the Gateway
Yitzchak’s marriage to Rivka, “He respect is something that can begin on Rehabilitation Center in Pittsburgh
married Rivka, she became his wife, and day one. ajht613@gmail.com

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