Page 96 - Advanced Biblical Counseling Student Textbook

counselor can help you to unpack all of these issues so that you can make the best decision for
your situation. 153

3. Help them understand that if they fail to forgive, they will suffer negative spiritual and emotional
consequences. Share with them the negative effects of an unforgiving spirit.

o Withholding Forgiveness Causes Stress
There is a fair amount of research that suggests that there are physical consequences associated
with the decision to withhold forgiveness. These can include impaired immune functioning,
increased blood pressure, digestive disturbances, decreased sleep and an increase in overall
perceived stress. Clearly, forgiveness is as much a gift to the giver as it is to the recipient.

o Not Forgiving Leads to Self-Inflicted Harm
When we choose to hold back forgiveness, we expose ourselves to the human tendency to
mentally and emotionally relive the harm that has been done to us. We tend to ruminate on the
pain, revisiting, and replaying the painful incidents over and over again in our minds. This is a
form of self-inflicted re-injury. We don’t have to live with that kind of pain and inner chaos and
forgiveness is the way out.

o Failing to Forgive Damages Our Other Relationships
Those who refuse to forgive others will frequently be unable to engage authentically within
other relationships. The bitterness and resentment bleeds into other contexts in their lives. They
are not able to risk being hurt again, so they live at a safe distance from others. They cut
themselves off emotionally from other loved ones–not just the party who harmed
them. Forgiving those who have harmed us frees us up to live in true community, with life-giving
vulnerability in our other relationships. 154

4. Again share the verses of Scripture (and perhaps others you can think of) with them and ask them if
they would be willing to obey God’s Word and forgive that person. If they respond positively, then have
them say out loud, “I forgive xxxx for how they offended me. I will hold that offense against them no
longer. I will put it behind me and move on.” Then have them pray that same group of sentences to the
Lord.

5. Remind them of that:

o Forgiveness is Freely Given
o Forgiveness Accepts the Hurts and Drops the “Charges”
o Forgiveness Allows You to Move Forward with Life

6. Have them consider renewing their relationship with that person. They don’t need to tell the person
that they forgave them, just that they want to have an open relationship with them. It could be a time
of emotional bonding and a sealing of their forgiveness.

153 https://bellevuechristiancounseling.com/articles/to-grudge-or-not-to-grudge-a-christian-counselor-on-
forgiveness-part-2
154 Ibid.

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