Page 33 - Unlikely Stories 1

DeathCon

“I’m glad to hear that! But why does that remind me of my fifth-
grade teacher? First, can you tell us your name and a little about
yourself?
“Certainly. I’m Val Kerry, and my day job is social worker at a
nursing home for the elderly.”
“Gosh, Val. It’s hard to see how that would inspire you to give the
world a new way to wage war. What exactly is your big brainwave?
And what on earth do you have here on a garment stand?”
“It’s an ordinary suicide vest, Buell; the kind that terrorists have
popularized in the media. See: you put the bombs in these pockets,
and all you need is the means to set them off—like a cell phone or
even just a cord to yank. I’ve hung it here to demonstrate how easily
it can be fitted to anyone, large or small, short or tall. Would you like
to try it on?”
“I don’t know, but—what the heck! My fans expect me to eat
bugs, go through the rapids in a barrel and take a few punches from
the heavyweight champ. So, I’ll do it, as long as you’re sure it isn’t
loaded! Thyssen, would you hold this microphone for me?”
“”Got it.”
“There you are, Buell. Of course, a large man like you can wear this
inside your Hawaiian shirt, completely unnoticeable.”
“Well, all right! I hope the FBI doesn’t take this out of context.
Okay, Val: you’ve made your point. Now, what’s so special about
your suicide vests?”
“Absolutely nothing! I can get a thousand of them from China in
three weeks for less than ten dollars each. No, what I’m promoting is
a whole new methodology for selecting volunteers to wear them in
real situations where terrorism is indicated.”
“Wha—? Aw, come on, Val: you know that ain’t legal.”
“I won’t mince words or chop logic with you, Buell. All’s fair in
love and war, right? We Americans have no qualms about torturing
prisoners, assassinating our own citizens and bombing civilians. This
is simply another tool in the kit of asymmetrical warfare.”
“If you say so, Val. Please explain to our viewers how it’s going to
work out in the field.”

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