Page 32 - Unlikely Stories 1

DeathCon

“Well, Stew, that sounds like a great way to reuse a lot of old
hardware. But what about the soldiers driving the tank: wouldn’t they
be at risk, as well?”
“Oh, I’ve thought about that, sir. There won’t be any people inside
it. Completely driven by remote control, just like the drones you see
everywhere in the skies these days. And if it gets stuck—say, if the
enemy blows off one of its tracks—then the whole thing can be
detonated with an on-board charge that will send the contents of its
tanks flying out in all directions for hundreds of yards. Just think of
it: a hundred or two of my Septic Tanks fanning out over a salient
into enemy territory wreaking havoc, and maybe one of them making
it all the way to their capital city.”
“Um, er, yes, I see what you mean. Well, what about this other
thingamabob next to it?”
“That is my own invention, sir: it’s a modified pipeline inspection
gauge, or pig. The original is in wide use today to capture video
images of blockages in drains. My self-propelled version, Crapper
Sapper, will crawl through a sewer line to plant explosives or spy gear
at specific locations under enemy targets. I built it with easily
obtained miniature electric motors, a GPS and transmitter, and a
completely watertight shell. The design is mine, however, and I have
a patent pending. I guarantee it will be in the army’s toolkit within six
months of finding a buyer.”
“Gotten any good leads, sir—I mean, Stew?”
“I can’t reveal that, sir. You’ll find that confidentiality is required in
making these deals, if not exclusivity.”
“Well, we all know what that’s worth, now, don’t we? One last
question, Stew: what is your professional background?”
“Apart from my academic credentials, I’ve worked in pest control
and as a plumbing consultant.”
“Then best of luck to you! Now let’s see who else we can
interview. Ah, there’s a pleasant smiling face! Excuse us, ma’am: I’m
Buell Bauser, and the people at home watching this would love to
know what you are promoting here today.”
“Oh, yes, I’d be glad to explain, Buell. It’s very simple, really.”

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