Page 35 - Unlikely Stories 1

DeathCon

offer is the unique ability to identify qualified candidates for training
as suicide bombers. I can separate the men from the old boys, the
tough broads from the sob sisters and the clear-eyed nationalists
from the flag-waving wannabes and chicken-hearts. No one else can
offer this service. Would you like to take some brochures?”
“No, thank you, Val. I’m here as a reporter, the host of ‘Wonders
Never Cease.’ Can’t show any favoritism, you know. But I’d like to
thank you for appearing on the show today.”
“You’re welcome. And a million thanks to you!”
“Well, folks, I’m afraid we’re running out of time. Too bad: I see
lots of interesting exhibits in this aisle: The Anti-Blowback
Generator. Sleeper Cell Injections. Dragon’s Teeth Fluoridation,
Heat Shock and Luciferase Induction Tracking. And I’m sure curious
about that Buck Rogers, invaders-from-Mars hardware we had to
pass up. But maybe we’ll be back next year, Thyssen.”
“Always welcome, Buell! We’ll have another exciting lineup of
bright ideas for tomorrow’s military here at the Know-how,
Research, Innovation, and Enterprise Gathering. Our participants are
determined not to fight the next war with the last war’s armaments.
How does it go? ‘We’re doomed if we don’t learn to repeat history?’
Something like that. Here let me walk you out, and say farewell.”
“Thanks. Our guide today has been Thyssen Krupp, the brains
behind this great convention of future-thinking individuals and
organizations. Now, there’s that sound again! Is there some sort of
musical program we missed?”
“Eh? I’m sorry, Buell. My hearing isn’t so good. Too many years
on the firing range. What is it?”
“Yes, there they are! Behind that police cordon, ringing bells and
chanting. I can make it out now: ‘Down with DeathCon! Down with
DeathCon!’ That doesn’t seem like part of your show, Thyssen.”
“Oh, that? It’s just those kooks with Grimpeace. A bunch of
spoiled kids and malcontents who don’t appreciate the real work it
takes to provide them freedom and prosperity. A bunch of
reactionaries, I’d say. Don’t give them another thought, Buell.”
“I won’t! That’s all for now, folks. See you next time!”

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