Page 17 - Ferry Tales

Cado

That was comical, Cerberus! That guy thought he could sweet-
talk you out of chasing him into the Nether region. Well, he was a
wheeler-dealer up on Earth; down here we are implacable, with
infinite sales resistance. You might find his trip across the River
of No Return amusing, too. I don’t see my next fare, yet, so I
have time to tell you about it.
Right away this Elmer Cado was grousing about the two-penny
tariff. “Ha! Another lie! You can take it with you—a little bit of it,
at any rate.”
“That’s as far as you’re taking it,” says I. “They’re not legal
tender down here. You are now legally tinder. And any lies you
were told topside you can forget about now: you’re heading for
the Land of Truth and Consequences.”
That revelation didn’t faze him. His life had been spent as a
promoter, a salesman and a would-be executive in the big-time
import-export business. He had a point to make to me, and he
was going to make it. At that moment my pole stuck on some
bottom-feeder’s carapace, and he took my silence while I pulled it
loose as willingness to hear whatever he had to say.
“Yes, more lies. I made a deal with your boss and he didn’t
honor the terms. Since he didn’t keep up his end of the bargain,
I’m not keeping up mine: take me to the Stairway to Heaven
instead of that Hellhole. But wait there while I check on my
reservation—if there’s a problem, you might have to take me
back to Purgatory.”
“Eh?” I was getting back my rhythm with the pole, and not
paying Cado much attention. “No such luck, buddy. You have to
go where I take everyone. Let me assure you that your reservation
is in order and that you are expected. I haven’t lost a passenger
yet, and you won’t be the first.”

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