Page 48 - Unlikely Stories 4

The Magic Clown

voice. ‘He was also quite inebriated. While rummaging around for a
bulb for his lava lamp, he knocked over a box of Christmas lights, into
one of which I had been forced by a very foolish boy. The child’s
wasted wish, based on a film he had seen, was simply to test my
powers. I have been having difficulty this past century with electric
lamps. They are quite different from the previous model consuming
oil as fuel, and therefore requiring an opening for the exchange of
gaseous material. Until that vacuum-sealed red flame-shaped bulb
which had served as my prison for many years shattered, thanks to a
drunkard, I was once again deprived of freedom. His condition
unfortunately prevented him from making a rational request which I
could have satisfied and then departed. Instead he wanted to make a
lava lamp and thought no more of me than as an assistant electrician.
His wish was for me to demonstrate how much of the heavier liquid
should be added to the lighter liquid he had already poured in. I had to
oblige, and no sooner had I obeyed his command than he put the lid
on the glass and I was trapped again. But I did not expect to stay there
long: he had clumsily attached the cap and had no idea of the potential
energy stored in my self-compression, so the first time he heated the
base of the fixture I would surge upward and cease being entombed as
an inert substance. He hooked up the device to a source of power and
it immediately malfunctioned. The entire room went dark at the same
moment. He stumbled about and fell, sustaining a fatal head injury
against the concrete floor. Thus I devolved into your hands. Now it is
your turn. One wish, and be quick about it: I have a higher plane to
catch.’”
Ann O’Malley peered at her interview subject. “Those were the
exact words?”
Tony Riga peered back. “As close as I can recall them. I still
thought my leg was being pulled, so I didn’t let on that I didn’t believe
any of it. But here was an opportunity to outwit the practical jokers.
Any material thing for which I expressed a desire would be thrown in
my face forever by the pranking eavesdroppers—‘Hey, Tony:
remember the time you thought you had a wish from a genie and you
asked for the entire Rockettes chorus line? Ha-ha-ha!’—so I decided
to be clever. Folklore had it that people granted wishes by genies
always wasted them on something that turned out not to be what they
really wanted, and then there wouldn’t be a second chance to undo or
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