Page 33 - Unlikely Stories 1

DeathCon

“Well, we all know what that’s worth, now, don’t we? One
last question, Stew: what is your professional background?”
“Apart from my academic credentials, I’ve worked in pest
control and as a plumbing consultant.”
“Then best of luck to you! Now let’s see who else we can
interview. Ah, there’s a pleasant smiling face! Excuse us, ma’am: I’m
Buell Bauser, and the people at home watching this would love to
know what you are promoting here today.”
“Oh, yes, I’d be glad to explain, Buell. It’s very simple, really.”
“I’m glad to hear that! But why does that remind me of my
fifth-grade teacher? First, can you tell us your name and a little about
yourself?
“Certainly. I’m Val Kerry, and my day job is social worker at
a nursing home for the elderly.”
“Gosh, Val. It’s hard to see how that would inspire you to
give the world a new way to wage war. What exactly is your big
brainwave? And what on earth do you have here on a garment
stand?”
“It’s an ordinary suicide vest, Buell; the kind that terrorists
have popularized in the media. See: you put the bombs in these
pockets, and all you need is the means to set them off—like a cell
phone or even just a cord to yank. I’ve hung it here to demonstrate
how easily it can be fitted to anyone, large or small, short or tall.
Would you like to try it on?”
“I don’t know, but—what the heck! My fans expect me to eat
bugs, go through the rapids in a barrel and take a few punches from
the heavyweight champ. So, I’ll do it, as long as you’re sure it isn’t
loaded! Thyssen, would you hold this microphone for me?”
“”Got it.”
“There you are, Buell. Of course, a large man like you can
wear this inside your Hawaiian shirt, completely unnoticeable.”
“Well, all right! I hope the FBI doesn’t take this out of
context. Okay, Val: you’ve made your point. Now, what’s so special
about your suicide vests?”

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