Page 34 - Unlikely Stories 1

DeathCon

“Absolutely nothing! I can get a thousand of them from
China in three weeks for less than ten dollars each. No, what I’m
promoting is a whole new methodology for selecting volunteers to
wear them in real situations where terrorism is indicated.”
“Wha—? Aw, come on, Val: you know that ain’t legal.”
“I won’t mince words or chop logic with you, Buell. All’s fair
in love and war, right? We Americans have no qualms about torturing
prisoners, assassinating our own citizens and bombing civilians. This
is simply another tool in the kit of asymmetrical warfare.”
“If you say so, Val. Please explain to our viewers how it’s
going to work out in the field.”
“Certainly, Buell. My years of studying and caring for senior
citizens near the end of life have shown me that the entire focus of
suicide bombing is upside down. Young people are being exploited,
their lives thrown away, owing entirely to their immature idealism and
suggestibility. It is irresponsible to treat them as disposable resources
when their adulthood has barely begun. Soldiers in the trenches know
very well that their lives are at risk, and they may well come home
maimed or in a body bag, but at least they have a chance of surviving
in the kill-or-be-killed sweepstakes.”
“I suppose if you put it that way—”
“I do, Buell. Now, compare that to a man or woman in the
twilight of their years, well beyond the age of making meaningful
contributions to society. They are, in fact, living off the generosity of
the young—usually with the condition that they stay out of sight,
warehoused in old folks’ homes, providing a living to caregivers and
administrators of benefits. Some of them, indeed, are not compos
mentis, and should be left alone in whatever state they are in. But
many are still awake and aware, capable of making decisions about
what matters most to them. And let me tell you, Buell, a lot of them
are real patriots. On the Fourth of July, when they hear the national
anthem come over the loudspeaker, there’s nary a dry eye in the
house. Sacrificing themselves for God and country is an appealing
choice: the chance not just to go out with a bang, but for the
worthiest cause they can imagine. All we need is a waiver from the

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