Page 17 - Fables volume 2

Contention at the Suicide Club

“This is not a debating club! As chair I cannot allow these
proceedings to degenerate into braggadocio and name-calling.” He
cast an eagle eye upon the squabblers. “We have convened our
regular meeting to select at random those lucky members to kill
themselves in the next twenty-four hours, not to call attention to our
unique abilities to wreak havoc among the bipeds.”
But the full moon was culminating: many of the Suicide Club’s
members could not suppress the heightened awareness and
emotional excitement triggered by gravitational disturbances. They
continued to clamor, bellowing and growling and squealing and
squawking for attention. Condor extended his wingspan and flapped
until the outcry subsided into low-decibel white noise.
“All right! Evidently no business will be transacted unless I give
you a hearing. But I will recognize only one at a time. Any further
disorder and I will ask the sergeant-at-arms to clear the area.” He
nodded to Rhinoceros snorting at his side. “That’s better. Now,
who’ll be first? You: Moth.”
“I sure hope I get picked today,” began the lepidopteran, still
aflutter from his argument with Cow. “I’ve been watching the
shipments of nuclear waste for the past week. They always take this
one freeway overpass going way too fast. I’ll splat against the
windshield of the next one right in front of the driver’s eyes. That
will be another fine mess we’ve gotten them into!”
Condor again was obliged to restore order following loud laudatory
squeals and hoots of derision. “Bean-brained bug! Don’t you realize
your own survivors will suffer along with our enemy? You’ve got a
nice, healthy death wish—don’t get me wrong—but what’s your life
expectancy, anyway? Next! The chair recognizes Squirrel.”
“I just want to make the point that some of the worst offenders
among the so-called pinnacle of evolution are their accursed
offspring. They run rampant, killing and torturing us for no reason
but their perverted pleasure. And they call us wild!” Squirrel’s
buckteeth chattered with indignation. “Well, I know where the
rabies-carrying fleas hang out, and I am going to get myself bitten a

16