Page 18 - Fables volume 2

few dozen times, go into a hydrophobic blind rage, and attack a
schoolyard full of that devil’s spawn. I ought to infect a dozen or two
before Animal Control gets me.”
“Brilliant, just brilliant,” sneered Condor. “You’re no smarter than
Moth. Since when does suicide need a political purpose? I know I’ve
lived a long time, but willful ignorance and Weltschmerz used to be
sufficient to keep up our membership. Whatever happened to death
with dignity? It’s the malign influence of television and the Internet.
Everyone nowadays wants to be an anarchist with a bomb, a terrorist
armed to the teeth, a kamikaze with a one-way ticket. Isn’t it bad
enough the bipeds think we are stupidly getting killed in accidents?
Do you want them to launch yet another eradication program
designed to exterminate those of your species not yet wishing to end
their lives rather than face captivity or reduced habitat? If you’re so
determined to cause a stir with unpredictable consequences for the
animal kingdom, then why are you here?”
“Because we’re in a fight to the finish with those nose-thumbers!”
It was Pigeon, pecking the shell of his neighbor, Tortoise, for
emphasis. “No offense intended to apes and monkeys in attendance,
I assure you! And excuse me for saying it, but that kind of malign
shortsighted intelligence is under selective pressure among many of
us—look at Elephant, or Dolphin—or even Dog and Crow. They’re
not so far behind the alleged Homo sapiens. I say we should be an
example to our brethren: if each of us takes out a bunch of them,
they’ll soon change their behavior or face guerilla warfare. For my
part, I intend to fly into the intake of the presidential jet just after
takeoff. That will make them sit up and take notice!”
The Suicide Club members clamored for recognition. Condor held
his perch.
“Don’t you see how the bipeds have influenced you? Is it fifteen
minutes of fame you seek, a spot on the nightly news—or do you
seriously believe your death can get their attention and effect some
significant change? Extrapolate the trend, apparent to all: they are
stupidly going to trigger a mass extinction on this planet! Who knows
which of us will have the qualities necessary to survive that coming
catastrophe? Top predators? Not likely. Amphibians? Snowball in
hell. Unless you can justify your own destruction—and most of us
17