Page 28 - The Gluckman Occasional Number Eight

ACTOR: Wait a doggone minute! Something smells funny here.
If it’s not a movie, then what is it? Who the heck are you, mister?

DEVIL: Most of my clients figure that out long before we get
this far. I am the only one who knows the kind of starring role
you secretly desire, and only I can put you in it. The fee for my
services is standard: after I have worked for you, you will come
down to my studios and work for me, Mr. President.

ACTOR: President! You mean the real President of the United
States, not just a part in a movie?

DEVIL: That’s right. Nominated and elected according to the
rules, I might add.

ACTOR: Now I know who you are! I wasn’t sure you literally
existed: I only saw the results of your work. Get out! I won’t
listen to you!

DEVIL: But, Mr. President: you already have listened. And
approved, I might add, the script I described. But it will not be
produced unless I have a star: you. If you fail to sign up with me,
nothing will stop the evil empire from carrying out its plan of
world domination.

ACTOR: But, but—you set up the Russians against us. You
perverted them into wanting to destroy us!

DEVIL: Perhaps. But that is not relevant. You do believe it is
their intent to wipe out white Christian democracy by subversion,
chemical warfare and propaganda, don’t you?

ACTOR: Yes, it’s obvious. There are hundreds of commies in the
State Department right now, giving away our precious military
secrets. The schools are full of left-wing teachers polluting the
minds of our children with pornographic books. The Russians are
taking over every country they can get hold by bribery and
assassination. We’ve got to wake up before it’s too late!

DEVIL: But what success have you had in countering the Soviet
menace with the powers of good? Has it helped to turn the other
cheek? Do the commies listen to reason?