Page 29 - The Gluckman Occasional Number Eight

ACTOR: No! All they understand is force! You can’t negotiate
from a position of weakness. You’ve got to show them you’re
ready to fight, on every possible front.

DEVIL: You see, you’re perfect for the role. I can give you the
platform you need to mobilize America. God, I am certain, wants
the good side to prevail. But He cannot dirty His hands with
atom bombs and mercenaries. I can.

ACTOR: (pauses) Let me get this straight. If I follow your script,
we can stop the USSR from burying us?

DEVIL: If and only if. You may despise me, but my methods
work.

ACTOR: I never thought I could be president. Will people vote
for an actor?

DEVIL: Not today; but when the time comes, they will.
Television is paving the way for a politician who can play to the
masses. Take a look at this contract: it’s not written in legal
doubletalk.

ACTOR: Hmm. It says here I won’t be elected until 1980. That’s
way off in the future. Couldn’t you make it any sooner?

DEVIL: I’m afraid not. I’ve got the Oval Office booked until
then, and you need a few years to rehearse.

ACTOR: Hey! I just thought of something. I’ll be almost seventy
years old by then. How can an old man get elected?

DEVIL: Don’t worry. You won’t look it. As long as you’re in
office, I’ll keep you young and vigorous. And you won’t have to
worry about muffing your lines, either. Plus I’ll see to it that no
one blames you for any small indiscretions committed by your
administration.

ACTOR: 1980…say, isn’t there something about a curse, or at
least a coincidence, that presidents elected in even twenty-year