Page 75 - Effable Encounters

The Formic Solution

Thank you for being prompt. I see you have already met Ms. Teeter,
whose relation to the commonly-accepted spacetime continuum is
somewhat less formal.”
Ann, her back to the others as she made a beeline for the huge
auxiliary freezer occupying much of the kitchen floor space, mouthed
a knotted string of silent obscenities.
“Please be seated, Mrs. van Ehrbagge,” continued the detective,
slipping uncontrollably in his own oleaginousness from suave to
unctuous and back again. Ann found sub-zero shelf space for the
already half-uncongealed gelato tubs, then crept on tiptoe to the
kitchen door, leaving the package inclined on the balding carpet
against the living room wall.
Gill had concealed in a tweed jacket as much of his concavity as
good tailoring could achieve; his assistant was convinced a gigantic
tapeworm actually dictated his diet, as he never gained an ounce on
his regime of unlimited fat and sugar. He leaned on the edge of his
under-polished desk and struck a pose of great curiosity and concern.
“Miss van Ehrbagge, Mr. Gill.” This almost coquettishly. Ann
wrinkled her nose; Phibian had a way with old ladies.
“Yes, of course,” warbled the very discreet investigator. Clients
were thin on the ground, demanding kid glove treatment. Most
people suffering grievous, outrageous or mysterious damages were
liable latterly to take their troubles to a practitioner of an even less
reputable profession, the law. Phibian longed for the good old days,
when lawyers were upright defenders of legality, and private eyes
awoke to find themselves sprawled drunkenly over a blonde, dead or
alive. Now most gumshoes were good company men, regulated to an
inch of their pensions, while rogue attorneys wallowed in sleaze.
“I brought a picture of her.” The septuagenarian dropped a
wizened hand like the jaws of a steam shovel into her purse and
pulled out a half-bleached Polaroid. “It’s a few years old, but she
didn’t like being photographed. One of the girls took this at the
Thrift, Shrift and Gift Federation annual banquet.”
Gill took the proffered image and gave it close scrutiny, even
deploying a primarily ornamental magnifying glass from his desk
blotter, where it functioned as a paperweight on a stack of unpaid
utility bills, in a vain attempt to overcome the photograph’s
deficiencies of focus, contrast and candidness of pose.

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