Page 72 - Effable Encounters

Autologue

“That’s right. It’s good to see I won’t necessarily lose my rapier-like
mind as I get older.”
“Very funny. You won’t think those jokes about old people are so
humorous when you hit middle age.”
“Big deal. But you know where my argument is headed, don’t you?
All you can think about is a scenario in which Gwendolyn and I—
that is, Gwendolyn and you—live happily ever after on Easy Street.
That fantasy compares quite favorably to your present situation:
you’ve made that abundantly clear. But I can just as easily imagine
some nastier outcomes. Perhaps you’ve forgotten about the weirder
aspects of the Diamante family, like how her father made all that
money. Maybe you don’t want to look at Gwendolyn’s personality
too closely—if you can remember at all what she’s really like. If we
were married, I could end up really confused and depressed: divorced
maybe, suicidal possibly, making a mess of my life probably. So it
comes down to some calculus of expectations: if I ignore your plea,
and go down a worldline similar to yours, would I really be making
such a big mistake? Breaking up with her seemed like the right thing
to do, painful as it was. That girl has some strange ideas.”
“But she is so sweet, so intelligent. I know she really cares for
me—for you.”
“I won’t joke about your memory, Irving from the Twilight Zone,
but she never called me back, either. And it’s been more than four
months since that trip to the beach. Face it: you’re living in a past
that you should be glad didn’t happen. This is not a pleasant
prospect, though: I’ve read about this phenomenon of selective recall
in my psychology class. Maybe it won’t happen to me in my
alternative universe. I hope I’ll be more satisfied with my lot in life
than you are.”
“Ah, damn it all! Don’t be so cocky! I’ve been through twenty-five
years of wondering about Gwendolyn and what would have
happened. Maybe it would have ended badly. I don’t care! You’ve got
to try it. If you don’t, you’ll go through the same uncertainty all your
life. Do you want that?”
“No, and I can’t guarantee that I won’t have regrets. But I’m
young; I’ll get over it. What’s the rush to get married, anyway? I’ve
got plenty of time.”

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