Page 3 - The Gluckman Occasional Number Five

Pack your jaundiced eye bags for a trip to our Open Oculus ® robotic
ophthalmologist! Get to the root of your vision with radical carrototomy.
See like a rabbit again! Software indemnity required.

► The untested Mark IV Biomagnetic Body Clock Adjustor ® is on
site and on time for treatment of Chronological Fatigue Syndrome–never
be late again! Revolving credit plan available. ◄

Ready for reassignment? Gender or species—same low price!

Posterior Sclerosis (Iron-ass Affliction) can now be reversed with our all-
natural organic enzymes! We have a stake in your healthy rump!

<:> Dropsy got you down? Ditch the drainage and steam your troubles
away in our Caligarian Cabinet ®. Hourly rates apply. <:>

Rattle internally? Trigger metal detectors? Our exploratory surgeons find
the instruments others leave behind. Acuphagics not eligible.

◙ While supplies last: First World organs at Third World prices! As fresh
as yesterday’s teen-age motorcycle and skateboard fatalities.

Ask about the Hormonium ®, the implant for all occasions. Never have
an unwanted emotion again! Controlled by wireless device with money-
saving obsolete password protection. Batteries not included.

Welcome, crankcases! Have you lost your clutch? Blown a gasket? Is your
timing off? Emitting fumes? Need to drain and flush fluids? Had a shock
you can’t absorb? Visit our body shop for complete diagnostics and a
quick lube you won’t soon forget! No OEM parts.

# # # # # # #

Our staff: Dr. Kimerus Krankenstein (B.A., Transylvania Tech)
Dr. Agrescit Medendo (M.S. attempted, University of Mu)

For an unlimited time only, DSC will give you a free wallet biopsy!

*** Pre-authorization denial for all major insurance plans! ***

Watch for new DSC openings in your neighborhood! Franchise enquiries:
(800) 4EZ-MONEY or www.unkindestcutsofall.com

+++ Proud member of Metacare ® “We’re beyond caring!” +++