Page 161 - Just Deserts

Scrubbers

“You nitwit! Can’t you get anything right? That’s—that’s—how
does it go? ‘All of me, why not take all of me?’” Wells was icy in his
triumph of musical trivia. “Yeah, that’s it: ‘You took the part that
once was my heart, so why not take all of me?’ That’s what it is: ‘All
of Me.’ Not ‘The Organ Grinder’s Song.’”
The lad had cackled again, threatening to lose control of his limbs.
“Oh, I meant to say ‘The Organ Donor’s Song.’ Ha-ha! Wouldn’t
that make a great public service announcement! Yuk!”
Earl’s jaw had dropped. It was completely off the wall, but it was
brilliant. Totally in bad taste—had Billy no sense of what was
appropriate?
The adman had eyed the clerk. “Did you make that up?” he asked
sternly.
Billy had stopped laughing, and his eyes, nose and mouth
constricted in consternation. “Uh, I guess so. What was it I said, Mr.
Wells? Uh, here’s your package. They said to bring it right up.”
“Just leave it right there on the table, Billy. What else have you
made up to amuse yourself?”
“Oh, gee, I don’t know. What’s that on your desk, Mr. Wells? Is
that some new kind of food?”
“That, young man, is what we are trying to sell. It’s a frozen
dinner prepared by a real gourmet chef, God help us. And I don’t
know what it’s going to take to get this slop down the public’s
throat.”
Rubin had shuffled closer to the great man’s desk. He sniffed at
the gelatinous collation, a plastic tray of chili and beans microwaved
hours earlier.
“Looks to me, sir, like you’d have to go back to the basics. Yes, ta-
ta-ta-ta!” he imitated playing a trumpet. “It’s another job for Rude-a-
Mints: guaranteed to give you gas in minutes! Ah-ha-ha!”
In spite of himself Earl Wells had laughed. Thus began a hidden
collaboration within the walls of Bodkin/Thomler. With a bit of
effort Wells had extruded almost the entire Wolfdown Muck strategy
from Billy Rubin’s mysterious mind. Silly suggestions emerged almost
as frequently as serious; Earl simply gave Billy the appreciative
laughter the latter neurotically craved and returned to the task at
hand: marketing. The campaign had been an unqualified success; Billy
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