Page 47 - SYTYGIB: Ancient Rome

If you had a headache, one suggested cure was to soak a chameleon in Wine, and then
to sprinkle the wine on your head. If that didn’t do the trick, you could see if you could find
an elephant to touch you on the head with its trunk, and hope that it sneezed. Hmmm . . . sore head or face full of GrOsS eLePhAnT bOgIeS? On second thoughts, the aching noggin doesn’t feel that bad after all, thanks.
By and large it seems that even if you’re
not keen on being prodded at the docs these days, it sure beats being covered in poop, pee, trunk gunk or sNoGgInG MuLeS!
Do you ever wish . . . your medicine was more magical?
There are very few people who like the taste of medicine, which usually resembles a mixture of earwax and paint. Perhaps you’d prefer it if pharmacists adopted the more magical approach that some ancient Romans favoured. These were particularly popular when performed by Egyptian priests, who were seen as the best "magicians".
Then you could choose from some of the following “alternative” remedies:
• the longest tooth of a black dog
• a wasp caught in the left hand and attached under the patient’s chin
• a viper’s severed head
• a lizard’s right eye wrapped in goat skin
Try asking your doc for one of those next time you’re feeling poorly. We’re sure they'll have a big bag of wasps and lizards' eyes hidden in their desk drawer, just in case.
If they don't, simply grab some paper and a pen. One ancient Roman medical textbook has the following cure for fever: write abracadabra on a piece of paper then roll it up and wear it round the neck in an amulet. The word has to be written like this to work:
You’ll be better before you know it! (Maybe.)
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health and medicine