Page 128 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

I silently plead to God. Why? Why another assault on my
family? Why another humiliating death? Why so much pain? So
much heartache.
I am only just barely coming out of the torturous fog
caused by my mother’s death. The cruel sting has just begun to
diminish, ever so slightly. And now this? It’s just not fair.
My thoughts go to Jimmy who was so much fun but
definitely lived on the edge. I can still hear his voice: I never
let myself worry. Hell, I might die tomorrow. It doesn’t bother me. I
live only for today. We only have today.
It was almost like he had a death wish. And now here it is.
He is dead. He has subscribed to his very own predestined exit
from planet earth. He was a Trekkie. Isn’t that how they talk?
As the days stagger on there are many hushed phone calls
between Mike and the police. We learn about the fateful day
when, after announcing the local skidoo race for the radio
station where he worked, Jimmy went straight home to his
family. The assumed narrative is that he took cocaine for his
evening’s entertainment then went to bed. When my 5-year-
old nephew, Shawn, couldn’t wake him up in the morning,
Mary checked and found him gone. Mary wasn’t really sure
how long he’d been dead. She called 911. The coroner’s report
said asphyxiation due to a cocaine overdose.
If there are small mercies, then I am thankful that my mom
isn’t here to witness Jimmy’s ultimate heartbreak. It would have
broken her.
The police turned Jimmy’s place upside down looking for
any clues leading to dealers or druggie connections. They didn’t
come up with much. Except for one small, empty envelope
at the bottom of a waste basket, addressed to Jimmy with no
return address. The post mark - Thailand.
My youngest brother Billy was travelling in Thailand at

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