Page 127 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Twenty-Two

Mike doesn’t utter another syllable. He just pushes himself
away from the table, stands up and goes to the fridge. How can
he eat at a time like this?
Vian and I sit motionless, frozen in fear as this latest
emotional blow smashes into our souls. We must be in shock.
Covered in yet another cloak of pain. A cloak we are far too
familiar with. But here we are again, Vian and me, gut-punched
with another tragic family death.
Truth is this news is not altogether surprising. We knew
how much Jimmy loved his drugs and I think we also long
suspected death did not scare him. Still, I’m not prepared for it.
How can you ever prepare for news like this?
As I regain my equilibrium, I find myself surprised that
Mike doesn’t have something nasty or insulting to say. He never
liked my brother. He knows how much grief Jimmy caused my
mother. She had actually taken him out of her will, then put
him back in shortly before she died. Which may well be the
biggest reason my stepfather didn’t like Jimmy. It meant Mike
didn’t get nearly as much money from my mother’s estate. Trust
me, he got plenty, but I guess he wanted more. It was all just a
big ugly mess.
Mike is standing at the counter, stuffing meatballs into his
mouth as Vian and I continue to sit silently. I have no idea what
to do next. What is the protocol for death by drug overdose?
I decide that this devastating news is just another secret
needing to be kept. I will tell no one. Vian will tell no one. I
don’t want anyone to know the humiliating truth. I hate when
all eyes are on me, especially for this scandalous reason. The
shame surrounding my father’s suicide is like a worm burrowed
deeply beneath the surface of my skin. You can’t always see it
but it’s still living inside of me. And now, another worm takes
root.

113