Page 161 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Twenty-Seven

that fist. More and more often I am seeing Hudson’s anger
explode without warning and leave destruction in its wake. I
guess I’ve always seen it. The problem is I just don’t know what
to do with it. When we were first together, there were signs
that things weren’t always perfect, but I was so crazy about
him, I refused to acknowledge the red flags. I just didn’t want
to see it. I thought I had truly found someone who could love
and protect me. Just accept me for me. We were so in love, and
I thought he was so right for me.
But Hudson has always been jealous. Of me and other men
or women. Even of my goals and aspirations. He’s jealous of my
own sister. When we were visiting Vian, he couldn’t believe we
would change in front of each other. Sisters, simply seeing each
other naked. It’s just normal, right? When I would visit her,
we’d sometimes sleep in the same bed. I mean, really - we’re
sisters. But Hudson would go crazy and lecture me for hours.
Then I’d start to wonder if there really was something wrong
with me. Lately I seem to be doubting myself more.
I’ve experienced the full gamut of Hudson’s crazed fury
in the form of mental, emotional and verbal abuse. His own
insecurities constantly place me in the direct line of fire. I
spend many late nights enduring seminars, brow-beatings, put-
downs, accusations and threats. After which comes my river of
tears and feelings of unworthiness and shame. And the swollen
eyes. I have hidden a profusion of open and bleeding wounds
inside my soul. No one will ever see those. People think we’re a
match made in heaven. They have no idea what my life is like
behind closed doors.
When Hudson drinks too much it’s even worse. At times
his anger is self-directed and that can be frightening. Once,
after having too many Scotches at a party, his behavior went
completely off the rails once we arrived home. He plunked

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